E Pluribus Mores

Presidential Canditate Mitt Romney Adds Eleventh Point to Plan to Lift Economy: Americans who Fall Behind Will be Left to Die

In celebrity fashion on September 6, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney

Last week former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney announced his ten point plan to lift the economy.  Just yesterday he added an eleventh point: Americans who fall behind will be left to die.  In an interview at the unveiling of the plan,  Romney stated, “We felt the ten point plan didn’t address the plight of the average American, so we added this final point.  In fact Point Eleven isn’t so much a new policy initiative, as the natural consequence of the other ten.”

Earlier in the week pundits had criticized Romney’s ten point plan as affecting too narrow a segment of the American population.  For example, the first ten points of Romney’s plan focused on tax cuts for the wealthy, extending tax cuts for the wealthy, making the CEO of GM wealthy, and whatever the hell “resisting insular retrenchment” means.  While the plan did include items that would affect average Americans, such as eliminating cost savings from Obamacare,  gutting environmental regulation, and settling scores with unions, the Romney campaign felt he had to do more for the 99% of Americans who were struggling with extended joblessness, shrinking wages, underwater mortgages, and hungry children.  Romney’s solution was Point Eleven:  Leave them to die.

The Romney Plan

According to a Romney spokesman, the primary advantage of Point Eleven is its broad impact, which will include literally millions of Americans who were formerly members of the middle class.   The second advantage is its fundamental fairness.  It doesn’t matter whether you are a life-long diabetic, a victim of a natural disaster, a returning veteran, or a four-year-old whose parents haven’t worked in 52 months; it applies to every American equally. The spokesman also pointed out the added benefit that working class Americans who still had jobs were unlikely to complain about further wage and benefit cuts, and were likely to be more productive knowing that if they lost their job they would be left to die.

The rest of the Republican field has evidently been caught off guard by Point Eleven.  A number of the candidates have complained that the plan isn’t new, but rather has been an unstated element of the Republican platform since Ronald Reagan.  But Point Eleven has engendered some grudging respect, such as candidate Newt Gingrich who was heard muttering that he wished he’d thought of that one.  Texas Governor Rick Perry, however, was quick to distance himself from the plan.  In a statement to the press Governor Perry shot back, “I need to make it clear that in Texas, we do not leave people to die.  We hunt them down with dogs.”

President Obama has been quick to respond with his own compromise plan that would leave many fewer of the nation’s most vulnerable to die, while at the same time adding hundreds of jobs to the economy.  The President has announced a nationally televised speech on the subject to be held whenever Speaker of the House John Boehner can fit him in.

While Romney has surged in the polls, he still faces some skeptics.  For example, in a televised interview the candidate was asked if his eleven point plan would address the nation’s long term deficit, at which point Romney chuckled and said, “please.”

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