E Pluribus Mores

Humbly the Net Minder Asks

In The Crease on June 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

My friends, rink mates, denizens of the great Canadian pastime, humbly the net minder asks:  “Is there something wrong with the back of the net?”  Is it a shameful place where no puck may go?  A net shadowed stygian trapezoid that once entered otherwise stout-hearted defensive stalwarts might fear return?  What evil lurks that one might shun it so?

Now some might ask, wasn’t the Great One from his office desk behind the goal able to flip the puck over the crossbar, off the goalie’s helmet and into the net?  While this is so, let me answer the question with another:  do we play with anyone whose last name rhymes with Schenectady?  And didn’t I just see the same move on a highlight reel from Pavel Datsyuk?  And yes, while we skate with no fewer than six Russian players, oddly none of them has a middle name of Valerievich…or plays for the Red Wings.   So might we not conclude that were the puck to be lost to an opposing player behind the net it would not readily find its way to the business side of the crease?

This being so, one cannot help but admire the raw skill of the player slicing between two fore-checkers, weaving his way around the center, leaving in his wake more blue jerseys than an edited scene from the Outlaw Josey Wales.  Who cannot be awed as he passes the puck between his legs, bouncing it twice on his stick then flipping it to his back heel he prepares to leap upwards as if for a scissor, overhead kick.  Seeing him there frozen in time, he is like some great work of art, with all the manly grace and beauty of a balletic chorus interlude from an Italian operetta.  If he were carved in marble by some Renaissance master, the sculptor might name the scene, Cupid on a Half Shell with Dorthy Hamill Angle-Grinding the Fender of Her Camero Outside Joe’s Garage.  Or perhaps we might call it by its less exalted name:
Three Goals to One.

I realize that much lies beyond my understanding, that while humans have walked on the moon and descended to the abyss of the ocean, there remains so much yet to comprehend.  But truly, is there something wrong with the back of the net?

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